Lesser Men?

Does this mean that the other men women are in love with are always lesser men than Jesus? What form does the love for Jesus take compared with the love for the other man?


Of course they will always be 'lesser men', Jesus is God so its kind of hard to beat that! However, it goes both ways. Where husbands are meant to love their wives as Christ loves the church, and that's a big ask, wives are called, in Genesis, to be an ezer kenegdo, often translated helpmate (stupid translation) to their husbands. This is a big ask for women, the only other times the word ezer, meaning sustainer, is used in the bible is to describe God. We are asked to be a sustainer beside our husbands as God is a sustainer to His people; we are guranteed to fail because we are not God and we are not perfect. So husbands and wives are called to fulfill roles to each other that God has first filled, and both cannot live up to the original.

Our love and relationship with God comes first, for both men and women. Both husbands and wives need to look to God, not their partners, to meet their needs first and foremost. We then enter our relationship with our partner as a whole and satisfied person, we don't rely on our spouses for our emotional fulfillment or our self-esteem because they will let us down and ultimately they won't be able to handle the pressure and the marriage will break down. Just because the relationship and love we have for God is mirrored in our relationship with our husbands does not lessen or cheapen our marriage, rather it strengthens it. We also have a relationship with God that is mirrored in our parents, that doesn't make them any less our parents, in fact it means we can forgive them and give them grace when they fail because we have God to be the perfect parent to us.

(The information regarding women as ezer kenegdo was sourced from 'Captivating' by John and Stasi Eldridge.)

Prodigal Daughter

Wow, that was a super interesting blog. You are painting a masterpiece featuring Jesus your perfect lover. Why are you non deserving of what God gave you?

Excellent question, Wil! I'm loving your questions, they are making me quest deeper into my heart to figure out why I believe what I believe.

I am the prodigal son. I took my inheritance as a beautiful creation of my Father God and I blew it on the world. Cheap pleasures, pointless prestige, material possessions. None of these things are what I was made for, they cheapen me and they are second best to what God had for me if I had have stayed in His house. And after a time I was ruined, on my hands and knees in the pig muck, wondering where it all went wrong. The world sucked all the life out and left me with nothing, and I turned my back on the best thing I ever had, a place in the house of my Creator and Father. I remember like it was yesterday the day I dragged my pig mucky self up the driveway and I saw to my amazement, my God running to scoop me up in His arms. I remember saying, 'I don't deserve anything, I'll take whatever your willing to give, just the scraps, the dredges, I've ruined everything, you can't want me anymore, but I want you.' But He laughed through His tears and said, 'Bring out the fatted calf, we are having a celebration!' He took my ruined clothes, bathed me, clothed me, restored me to my former glory as an heir in His household! I DON'T deserve anything. That's the truth. But His love and grace covers over all my failures and makes me new and pure again. I want to be like Paul, I want to show my weaknesses so that the grace and goodness of God will be evident for all to see. I want people to look at my life and say, 'Look at what God has done, isn't He awesome, aren't His works beautiful'. I don't want them to look at me and think that I am wonderful in my own strength.

I hope that answers your question!

Lover

Relationships that we have on earth, in this physical universe, are ultimately representative of the relationship we have (or don't have) with God. For example, we have a relationship with our parents, and we can have a similar father-child relationship with God. Of course, God is perfect, so He will not let us down like our fathers have. Also, now that I am a parent, I have the oppurtunity to see myself as God's child through a parents eyes, and I can see how heartbreaking it must be for Him when I a disobedient because I have felt that heartbreak.

The most meaningful relationship I have in my life right now is the one I have with my husband. In the eternal quest to become a better wife (and mother) I have been studying the bible and other good books, but it seems, I don't know, too cliched? Nobody seems to take into account the gut-wrenching feeling of exposing yourself and trusting your husband only to be let down by him.

I have since realised that leaving it too one, finite, imperfect man to fulfill my need to be loved unconditionally and given copious amounts of grace, cared for tenderly, pursued passionately, quietly and gently listened too, is asking too much. Its not fair on him. He is doomed to failure from the start. Then it occured to me (not a unique revelation, I'm sure many people have come to this conclusion before me!) that Jesus needed to supply all of my emotional needs as it is only He who will not let me down. We often call God our Father, Master, Friend and I had heard Him called Lover before, but the full extent of that statement had never hit me before. Lover, as in the relationship that I would have with a husband. I could and should relate to Him as I would my husband and He would pursue me, romance me, call me beautiful, languish in my presence just happy to have me close by; all the things a husband should do to uplift and honour his wife. I don't know why, but that just blows me away. There is a place in God's heart that is empty and will never be complete without me. And I did nothing to deserve the love and grace that that entails, it is mine because He created me for Him to love. I'm having trouble capturing this feeling in words, they are falling far short of the mark! I feel just like a girl who has just been kissed for the very first time by the wonderful boy she has been in love with for the past year! You know that feeling where your heart is so full it could burst, you can't stop smile and every second or third step is a skip? That feeling of having a secret that no one else knows, and it is yours to treasure forever. That might come close to how it feels.

Now I don't need to rely on Ben for that. It is still necessary for a flourishing relationship but instead of demanding it of Ben, I can learn how to give him what he needs from me as a wife and eventually draw it out of him. How I relate to Jesus, my perfect Lover, will build Ben up if I do the same for him. I need to trust, honour, applaude, wonder at him. He needs to know that I think he is amazing and I couldn't do without him, I trust his decisions 100% no matter what the result, and I can only find good things to say about him. This is how I instinctively treat God because of what He does for me, now I have to treat Ben in that same manner, not because he deserves it, but because I don't deserve what God gave me. That will fill Ben's heart to overflowing and eventually lead him closer to God and he will become the man he was created to be.

I love being a woman. I'm so glad that when God envisioned me, He envisioned me a woman. I can't wait to stand before Him totally restored, in all the glory He first created for me and to be scooped up into His infinite arms forever. My soul aches for that day.

Change

I was watching Dr Phil today (hey, I need to do something while I'm ironing my piles of washing!) and there was a young girl talking about her addiction to shopping. The rush she got when she bought something, and how good it felt to come home and put it in her closet. That was me. I created so many problems for my family by my need to buy new clothes, jewellery, and make-up. I always needed more things, I couldn't tell you why, I just needed more.

I was shopping with my husband the other day and he convinced me to try some things on. They were so beautiful and I felt so good in them but when it came to buying them I was calm and logical and I worked out what I really did need and whether or not it would fit into our very tight budget. I felt liberated. I knew we could afford it, I didn't buy too much, I knew I needed it and I have worn it dozens of times since I bought it. But it didn't have any effect on my self-esteem or my self-image.

God has changed me. I know who I am and I don't need 'things' or people to help define me anymore. I feel so free, like I'm flying inside, or more like I am a beautiful flower, blossoming. I didn't even recognise the change happening but when I look back I can't believe the person I have turned into. No longer do I have to conform to societies idea of who I should be! I am anti-conformist! (I am also turning into a hippy, but that's a story for another day!)

Defending our faith

1) As a christian community do you believe we are prepared enough to defend our believes to a fallen world?

If yes, why?

If no, what as christians do we need to start doing to better prepare ourseleves in defending christ?

I have been thinking about this question for many days now and have written and re-written responses, but I have never really felt God in them. I was listening to Focus on the Family this morning and I finally heard what I needed to hear. No Christians are not prepared to defend our faith, but that's because we are looking at it from the wrong angle.

In sport they way the best offence is a good defence. Many Christians live their lives by this mantra, but I would contend, the best defence of the Christian faith is a good offence. This is the presentation of the gospel, based on sound biblical knowledge, demonstrated by a transparent life that is being transformed rather than conformed. (Adapted from Josh McDowell).
Now I have defined what it is for Christians to 'defend' the faith, what has to change for us to be doing a better job? There are many things we can do to improve our witness, but I propose there are two activities that are essential.

We need to get on our knees before God, open-hearted, setting aside our petty worries and doubts and coming into unencumbered communion with Him. As we empty ourselves in submission and allow Him to fill our minds, hearts and spirits, He will give us His wisdom, heart and passion. This is the most essential need in our lives to instigate change, to become transformed into by the renewal of our minds rather than allowing the world to control and conform us.

The only offensive weapon mention in Ephesians 6 is the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God, the bible. We need to spend time reading and studying the bible everyday, developing our understanding of God and what we do and do not believe. We cannot just rely on what we are told at church, or what we read in the latest fad Christian book, nor can we truly own our beliefs if we only spend 10 or 20 minutes in 'quiet time' a day. We need to keep our weapon from rusting by constantly honing it using God's wisdom as the whet stone.

My kids are tearing the house apart so I don't have time to spell or grammar check this!

Allowing God

I was spending some time in prayer recently, well, not really prayer, I was just quietly enjoying God's presence. It's been such a long time since I have just sat, knowing He is close but not having to fill the space with pointless words. So much has happened lately, so much of my self exposed to air after being buried for a lot of years, I wanted to know what God wanted from me. God started to show me something of myself, like an image of my soul, that essential part that is me. It was a shadowy image, broken and desolate. Matted hair, dirty face, shredded, blood-stained clothing that were once white. Open, seeping wounds, a picture more suited to the streets of Calcutta than western, middle-class suburbia. That picture is exactly how I feel inside, ugly and diseased, not fit to be seen by anyone.

As I watched, I saw God slowly try to strip away the rags, and to my surprise, I reacted pretty strongly! I could feel the word NO come raging up from my gut. "This is ME", I screamed, "These rags, these wounds make me who I am!" As soon as I said it I could feel the response coming back, "This isn't you, I made you and this isn't what I made you to be but you INSIST on holding all the hurt and pain inside like battle scars to be proud of." In that moment, I let it go. Everything in my life that has ever happened, all the shame, all the anger at being wronged, all the hurt at being abandoned, I let it go to God, let Him worry about it.

Why do we insist on dealing with everything ourselves and wearing our tattered rags when God could so easily take us and clean us up? Do we like being diseased and ugly? Are we afraid of what we'll see in the mirror if we allowed God to transform us into the radiant, holy beings He envisaged us to be? Maybe thats it, we are so used to the picture in the mirror, so used to what we see when we look into our souls, that we are too afraid of the change God could bring if we let Him. We can't stand being out of control of our lives. I prefer to let my wild God paint the picture He wants to see when He looks at me.

My story in brief

I have no idea where to start!First of all, I'm not very good at expressing what's going on in my heart and mind; the words never come out right, never get to the depths of what I feel andunderstand. Second, I'm so ashamed of how badly I've failed my precious God, so its hard for me to tell other people. Somehow it makes it more real and the pain and disappointment is overwhelming.

I don't have a dramatic story like other people, its more the humiliating kind. Everything bad in my life, all of my current pain is a direct result of my own stupid, arrogant, independent behaviour. I got down on my knees before God on my seventh birthday and became on of His. My family was a loving, protecting Christian family and while it had its problems, like any family, they did teach me about Jesus and what it meant to follow Him. I can't even begin to imagine how my life would be now if I'd pulled my head in all those years ago and relied solely on God. Unfortunately, I have a problem with needing the attention, admiration and acceptance of everyone around me to feel valuable as a person. Believe me, this is a fools journey that only leads to heartache and despair. God alone can satisfy our need for unlimited acceptance, God alone can fulfill our desire for unconditional love, God alone is infinite. The consuming desire I had to be partof the inner circle caused a breach in my life through which the enemy could attack. He has told me I'm ugly, disgusting and worthless, and worse still I believed him and, just like he planned, I went running to the people around me for validation and, just like he planned, they let me down tremendously. To top it all off, for me to seek this acceptance and validation, I've had to compromise everything I live for as a follower of Christ, and this has pulled me far away from the heart of God.

I started swearing and talking dirty in high school to fit in with the only crowd that would take me. I was so lonely and I hated myself so much, I just wanted friends, someone to identify myself with. The other groups of kids pretty much said I was ugly, awkward, immature and embarrassing to be with. The peopleI was trying to fit in with weren't much better and berated me every day of my life. They called me things like 'slut' and told me I was ugly. Bear in mind, if you are reading this Bec, that this isn't referring to you!

I came into university believing no one would ever be interested in me and I would be lonely until the day I died, so you can imagine how taken aback I was when someone was interested in me. My parents warned me that he was dangerous but I couldn't say 'NO' when he asked me out and that was pretty much the climate for our entire relationship. I did everything but sleep with him. Not because I wanted to, far from it, I felt disgusting and I hated it, I would dread going to his house. When I tried to say I wasn't comfortable with anything he would ask if I didn't love him, if I wasn't happy with him. He knew how much I hated myself and that I was afraid I would have nothing without him and he gladly reinforced that to me to manipulate me into giving him anything he wanted. I sacrificed my purity for his approval, he left me ugly and scarred inside.

When I finally met and dated a genuine and wonderful Christian guy, I was an emotional cess pool, and I totally sabotaged our relationship. I needed to feel accept and loved more than ever, I needed to know that someone thought I was beautiful and wanted me for who I was. The problem was, this time I'd learned to use manipulation from my last boyfriend and I turned it on this unexpecting guy! Nothing he could do could make me happy. I wanted him to devote infinite amounts of time and energy into my well-being and I pouted, cried and yelled when I didn't get what I wanted. Fortunately for him, he had a backbone and told me to take a hike. That relationship is a defining point in my life, I can see myself so clearly when I look back on it. I wasn't only dating him because Iiked him, he was also a part of one of the most popular and respected families in the church. Dating him was instant credentials. It felt so good to be in the inner circle, I felt so much better than the other people who were not in the in crowd. I fell apart when we broke up. I'd invested all of my self-esteem and self-worth into my relationship with him, without him (and the position I'd found in his circle of friends) I felt like nothing. All of this time, I still loved God, believed in Him and I wanted to live the life He had for me, but I was addicted to fitting in and I couldn't give it up no matter how hard I tried.

This leads me too the lowest point ever. I walked away from that church, angry that they couldn't make me feel good, I thought they owed it to me to care more about and do more for me. I moved out of home and started seeing another guy. He put up with my crap and that fed my insecurity. We ended up sleeping together. Both of us had been too far in previous relationships and both of us hated ourselves for it. Instead of making a decision together to respect ourselves and each other, we chose to make it worse. I never totally walked away from God, I also never justified my lifestyle. I hid all the crap away from the people in my life who cared about me because I was afraid of what they would think if they knew the truth. God just bided His time and eventually we got pregnant. We made the decision to get married and it was the first time in a long time that either of us had made a decision with Gods direct guidance. It finally hit home and God has slowly pulled us back to Him over the past three years. Sorry this got so huge, I just want you to understand how badly I've failed. In the apostle Paul's words, "of sinners I am the worst" (1 Timothy 1:15), but that is the beauty of God's grace, that even I after all the shame I have brought onHis name, He will still forgive me, and will still change me and use me. How insane is that! I don't deserve how joyful and fulfilled I feel now.

Why this blog?

I am posting a version of these blogs on myspace because I met someone there who was searching for answers. I told her that I could be totally honest, totally transparent about who I was and where I'd been so that she could see, through my weakness, the goodness of God and how He can change people. I thought, now that I've started on the path to truthfulness about who I am and who I've been, I should probably continue with it and post the same blogs here as well. Be gentle with the material, most of it was written with tears running down my face.