Lover

Relationships that we have on earth, in this physical universe, are ultimately representative of the relationship we have (or don't have) with God. For example, we have a relationship with our parents, and we can have a similar father-child relationship with God. Of course, God is perfect, so He will not let us down like our fathers have. Also, now that I am a parent, I have the oppurtunity to see myself as God's child through a parents eyes, and I can see how heartbreaking it must be for Him when I a disobedient because I have felt that heartbreak.

The most meaningful relationship I have in my life right now is the one I have with my husband. In the eternal quest to become a better wife (and mother) I have been studying the bible and other good books, but it seems, I don't know, too cliched? Nobody seems to take into account the gut-wrenching feeling of exposing yourself and trusting your husband only to be let down by him.

I have since realised that leaving it too one, finite, imperfect man to fulfill my need to be loved unconditionally and given copious amounts of grace, cared for tenderly, pursued passionately, quietly and gently listened too, is asking too much. Its not fair on him. He is doomed to failure from the start. Then it occured to me (not a unique revelation, I'm sure many people have come to this conclusion before me!) that Jesus needed to supply all of my emotional needs as it is only He who will not let me down. We often call God our Father, Master, Friend and I had heard Him called Lover before, but the full extent of that statement had never hit me before. Lover, as in the relationship that I would have with a husband. I could and should relate to Him as I would my husband and He would pursue me, romance me, call me beautiful, languish in my presence just happy to have me close by; all the things a husband should do to uplift and honour his wife. I don't know why, but that just blows me away. There is a place in God's heart that is empty and will never be complete without me. And I did nothing to deserve the love and grace that that entails, it is mine because He created me for Him to love. I'm having trouble capturing this feeling in words, they are falling far short of the mark! I feel just like a girl who has just been kissed for the very first time by the wonderful boy she has been in love with for the past year! You know that feeling where your heart is so full it could burst, you can't stop smile and every second or third step is a skip? That feeling of having a secret that no one else knows, and it is yours to treasure forever. That might come close to how it feels.

Now I don't need to rely on Ben for that. It is still necessary for a flourishing relationship but instead of demanding it of Ben, I can learn how to give him what he needs from me as a wife and eventually draw it out of him. How I relate to Jesus, my perfect Lover, will build Ben up if I do the same for him. I need to trust, honour, applaude, wonder at him. He needs to know that I think he is amazing and I couldn't do without him, I trust his decisions 100% no matter what the result, and I can only find good things to say about him. This is how I instinctively treat God because of what He does for me, now I have to treat Ben in that same manner, not because he deserves it, but because I don't deserve what God gave me. That will fill Ben's heart to overflowing and eventually lead him closer to God and he will become the man he was created to be.

I love being a woman. I'm so glad that when God envisioned me, He envisioned me a woman. I can't wait to stand before Him totally restored, in all the glory He first created for me and to be scooped up into His infinite arms forever. My soul aches for that day.